November 20, 2008

McTickly

Yo guys, what's going on?

Long time no see. Yeah, my bust.

Life's been different. We're almost graduating (one year - please go slowly), and before we know it we'll be knee deep in corporate crap, s'ing d's for $$. Is this appealing to anyone? Not really. College right now is the place to be. Why? Well the job market is horrible. Plus D-Bon is home in Somers every week (I drive by him daily - no comment). So there's really no incentive to be home right now other than to go to Taco Bell, stop by the high school, or hang around and check out what Max is doing with his life. Fuck the real world, man. College is the epitome of human existence. I'm talking hard partying, sex with chicks you never would have stood a chance with in the real world, and finally being able to tear on kids without having to worry about Linda Horisk's "Zero Tolerance" policy.

We all know our first year was epic. New environment. Hot chicks. Mad booze. Awkward conversations in person - "Hey, we're friends on facebook, right?". Freshman year is like a post-masturbation orgasm. I'm talking the kind where, in high school, a girl comes over, you make out a bit, but don't bone, then she leaves, and you've got a fat wood, so you just let it all out - It's short, sweet, and powerful. And after, you really don't have anything to compare it to. Since then, things haven't compared. They've been good, yes, but not great. Nothing parallels the freshman experience, except maybe senior year. We'll see. Who knows. What I do know is, is that everyone is fucking weird. And I mean really fucking weird.

I don't know if it's just me, but when we graduated, I feel as if everyone was kind of on the same plane within a group of friends - same interests, same activities, etc. But as we meet up later on in life, and see where college has taken us, shit starts popping up about people that you never expected, and dudes stop fronting and let out their real selves. Like D-Bon finally telling people he's gay (although his facebook says he likes women - what the fuck man). Or Kamer finally letting his earthy side go nuts (he goes camping a lot now).

How long will this shit last? It's chill being yourself, and god knows I respect that, but it's ridiculous to go through a self-revelation in four years of college all to just enter the real world and completely revert to conformity. What do I mean by that? Example: said girl gets tattoos all over her body during college, tongue ring, nip rings, etc. She's about to graduate, has good g rades, wants to make dough, and applies for a job at Goldman Sachs. Oh fuck - you mean they don't hire chicks that look like hookers? Or look like they haven't showered for months because they've been too busy camping/making granola/listening to emo music?

Fuck that man. Hell yeah I'd wear flanels every day, or t-shirts that show two mice fucking a piece of cheese (Thinnies), but why waste my money on that shit if in three years I will never be able to rock it again. Maybe it's my jew nose speaking - I don't know - but my head's in the future, and my hand is in my back pocket. I'm not droppin bones to feel good for four years unless its well spent on medicinal drugs. Be yourself on the inside. Enjoy college. And if you dont plan on hitting up NYC or some other major business job when yuo graduate, wear whatever the fuck you want.

I'm out.

14 comments:

It'sBonkaz said...

Insightful

Yea I know I'm gonna be "knee deep in that corporate crap, s'ing d's for $$". High end prostitution is where it's at these days. Corporate assholes and politicians will still pay thousands for sweet poon (and perhaps strapping young man stuff) they'd have no chance with in the real world, despite the economy blowing its O hole. I've already been hired. But Gold Mens' Sacks saw all my nip rings, body art, and rodent/dairy copulation tattoos as an asset. So I don't have to worry about that. All that dough I dropped paid off. They're even encouraging more. They want me to get a prince albert...I'll have to mull that one over.
So I'm right with you, in a short amount of time I'll be rakin' in the dough. I'll be able to make all the granola I want, if I was so inclined. Sippin' on gin and juice rollin' in my suede flanel jacket w/ ma homies and homesses.

fabfingerbanger said...

Amen to that brother. High end prostitution. Amen.

the 'Worst Post Ever?' tag said...

three's company.

Phil said...

Nov paid me to write this.
I'm an elitist.

society said...

elitist?
that's funny, cause you write like a will ferrel impersonation of a frat boy.

Barack Obama said...

Phil is my illegitimate son.

Barack said...

sal allowed it and even felt like watching me and mrs. ponce do it. I think it was only because he thought i was bernie williams though.

Bernie Williams said...

You guys should check out my new guitar album. I've sold a total of 10 copies - all of them purchased by a member of the Ponce de Leon family.

Rob A said...

I'm just going to throw this out there one more time - but I really want to fuck kamer

Max's Corporate Bathroom Post said...

I'm definitely worse than this piece of shit

Nov's Dartmouth sweater said...

Please put me out of my misery.

Matt Newman said...

You are my African queen.

ethan k said...

the only thing i like more than accepting Rob A's advances is breaking glass tables.

noonan said...

in retrospect, the freshman year simile in paragraph two is not that bad.