August 12, 2008

Shit I Found While Cleaning Up My Room

Some things make 'em smaller, others make it bigger. At the bottom, the first sentence of the promo reads “Like Rafael Palmeiro, Viagra has some impressive stats.” Also in that paragraph "So do what Rafael did."


A Steve Matson creation, this was put up in the senior cafeteria during the last day of school.


Despite its ridiculous history nerd rating, I cannot take credit for this social pyramid which is part of a longer document which contains the following segments:

Sec. 2 Bill of Rights
1. The right to bear arms
2. The right to chew tobacco products
3. No freedom of speech
4. Serfs have no rights

Sec. 3 ... on every third full moon taking place on a Tuesday, there shall be a kingdom-wide carnival in which every fourth serf is sacrificed and everyone else gets wrecked.


This is the envelope one kid put my tip in when I worked at Kiwi. No, I did not have Block.


If you were ever in a court of law and asked to prove precisely how monstrous of a douche Phil is and how big of a dumb idiot Nick D. is , all you would have to do was present this, the birthday card they jointly gave me for my 18th birthday. Every single piece of this Vincent Cutignola waste of paypa is so thoroughly infuriating that I had to clutch my chest and take some ibuprofen immediately upon finding it. First off, why am I being shit on by Geoffrey, the Toys R' Us mascot of all beings? Secondly, why would I ever need a a piece of shit, I-drew-this-in-the-car-on-the-way-over rendition of what Mike J, Tiger Woods, Heinz Ward, and Short Round would look like if you combined them into one supremely semi-asian, gwkc machine. OK maybe thats forgivable. Lastly, the fact that its blatantly obvious that Nick D. contributed absolutely nothing to this is disturbing in two ways. One, Phil produced all the douche juice for this embarrassment and two, Nick D. was so big and dumb so as to not see how idiotic the whole production was.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

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you're welcome.

Anonymous said...

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<333

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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"No! I'm gonna go to hell!"

Anonymous said...

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qualitypoop said...

what the fuck?