June 7, 2008

A Few Highlights From A Semester Abroad

A Virginia country old boy was courted by a local painter and convinced to be drawn shirtless and with unbuttoned pants…as a centaur.

A 21 year old ODJ survivor danced in an internet café in Olympia with a 16 year old German boy.

A Canadian, who claimed to have been drugged, thought the bus was leaving without him, at 4am, so he ripped off the windshield wiper and broke the side window. He then spent the night in a Greek prison.

After a semester of constantly hosting Monday parties, breaking furniture, leaving mounds of garbage in the living room, and having the police called on them, 4 guys were evicted from their apartment for adopting a stray dog.

After a full night of drinking, 3 guys went out to strip clubs on a Saturday night, only to realize it was technically Easter Sunday.

4 guys were strip searched at a train station in Germany after being too high to successfully smuggle shrooms from Amsterdam into Berlin.

I awoke one morning in a hostel in a different neighborhood of Athens, sharing a room with seven other people I didn’t know.

A gang of 17-year olds punched my roommate in the face.

Another one of my roommates also punched that roommate in the face.

Prior to this, that roommate was voted “most likely to get punched in the face.”

I found myself in a van with 9 of the most absurdly Asian people I had ever seen in my life. Picture the Asian chick that was outside the abortion clinic in the movie Juno, but 9 times. So mathematically inclined and tiny-penised was this crew that Mike Choi himself would have had some serious trouble matching up with their oriental credentials. Such a squad could cancel out the collective badassness of Babe Ruth, Kimbo Slice, the entire Rat Pack, Vince Vaughn in Swingers , and an 8th grade Alex Olmetti mid-anti-lacrosse-Braveheart speech. Were any of these piano-playing, car-crashing, nerds to ever try to deny their natural attraction to hentai, pokemon, and bright, flashing lights they would stand about as good of a chance of succeeding as Nick D. in a job interview for the position of fact checker at the New York Times. Also, one of them had a mullet.

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