February 17, 2008

Ballin' In The Balkans

After recognizing a few faces while watching Greek basketball game on T.V. , I decided to compile a short list of the borderline recognizable names that make up 90% of the players in the league who can actually dunk.

Reyshawn Terry (Aris)- Graduated from UNC last year to be drafted 44th overall by the Magic. He was then traded for the last pick in the draft and (not much) cash. He won a national title his sophomore year in stadium that can fit 70,000 people and now plays home games in a glorified gym that’s barely better the state prison-funded palace at Beacon High School.

Lonny Baxter (Panionios)- Graduated from Maryland the year they won the national title and was drafted 43rd overall by the Bulls. He was arrested in 2006 for firing a .40 caliber Glock within a few blocks of the White House and then again the following year for FedExing 4 guns to himself.

Qyntel Woods (Olympiakos)- Graduated from Northeast Mississippi Community College (wow) and was drafted by the Blazers with the 22nd pick in the 2002 draft. He pled guilty to animal cruelty in 2005 after it was discovered that he had been staging dogfights in his house, usually involving his dogs Hollywood and Sugar [insert Mike Vick joke]. After being convicted, cut and traded, he joined Knicks just in time to play in the shitstorm that was the Larry Brown era in New York. Luckily, he was prepared for this as he had previously been a part of the Steve Paterson Blazers which collectively managed to get in trouble for sexual assault, street racing, punching each other in the face, spousal abuse, assault, rape, unlawful possession of a weapon, driving under a suspended license, and calling Maurice Cheeks a “nigger.” All of this happened after they got rid of Rasheed Wallace, Jeff McInnis and Bonzi Wells.

Marc Jackson (Olympiakos)- Yelled “Unstoppable, Baby!” at the Dallas bench after making a meaningless lay-up in a 29-point loss to the Mavs.

Then there’s a whole crew of other NBA dropouts/non-draftees like Michael Batiste, Tony Delk and Terrence Roberts but more ridiculous is the list of players that played here at one point or another during their career.


Dominique Wilkins (1996 Greek Cup Tournament MVP)
Bob McAdoo (UNC grad)
Byron Scott
Antonio Davis
Scott Skiles
Eddie Johnson
John Salley (black guy with annoying laugh on Best Damn Sports Show Period…which sucks.)
Gerry McNamara (unspeakably ging)
Dino Radja (same name as pet dinosaur in The Flintstones)
Mike Jones
Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf (Muslim guy with Tourrete’s who refused to stand for the national anthem)
Ruben Patterson (recently demoted to LA Clippers)
Rolando Blackman (not Renaldo Balkman)

The Greek Super League, where washed up 40-yr-old superstars, mediocre marginal role players, and spoiled pieces of shit go to delude themselves by winning effortlessly…and die.

1 comment:

The Hebrew Hammer said...

Scott Skiles is far too good in NBA Jam.