January 9, 2008

Stuff That Happened

During a short trip to scenic Montreal, Canadia some shit happened.

Nick D. managed to embarrass any group with which he is even remotely associated. His retardities and series of absurd actions include puking in Noonan’s sleeping bag, and then dumping the tainted bag on a random street corner. Despite all of this, Nick D managed to post a miraculous 2% right count. This, however, is most likely due to the fact that he audibly agreed with what other people had to say in order to throw off the statistician. That pre/post sleep-shit-taking, cherry-wheat-loving, poutine-ordering motherfucker.
Veg made few friends on this trip as Julia’s lone existent, and perpetually wrecked roommate called him either “bitch” or “vag” for most of the trip…that is until she eventually stopped talking to him after he repeatedly called her best friend gay and refused to back down. Oh, veeja also stormed into a club only to call some self-obsessed douchebag a faggot.
Then there is Smilo’s phantom roommate, the Snake. This guy was dubbed so partly because he strokes his little reptile all day long without ever leaving his room, but mostly because his name is Jake.
One night, Newman, fueled by at most 3 beers, came up to me and screamed “I used to play quarterback!” while donning a smirk that would’ve made embarrassed even Steve Smith. Moments later, he was vomiting full spaghetti probably because Nick D somehow managed to cook it so as to render it completely indigestible. Also, he didn’t use enough sauce. That fucking asshole.
After remembering Target’s rechristening of Noonan, he was henceforth introduced as Keith for the rest of the trip. At one point he slipped on the sidewalk (fuckin Canadians are apparently opposed to cleaning their sidewalks) and fell so spectacularly on his back that all the passing middle schoolers, old peeps, dalai lamas, and even the bouncer of a nearby strip club had to come out to taunt him. Classic Keith.
To say that Julia cock-blocked Smilo’s roommate Max is to say that Nick D is barely fallible.
Lots of random shit was witnessed, including a wrecked and pong-proficient Mike Court, an impeccable French-speaking, female version of Biggie Smalls, a pack of d-bags from the ODJ, a ridiculous ging, and yet another random guy wanting on Veg’s d. Still, the only thing that was proven beyond a reasonable doubt is that Nick D is a big, dumb idiot.

3 comments:

cclllAAAASSSSSIC said...

To say that Julia cock-blocked Smilo’s roommate Max is to say that Nick D is barely fallible.


.....classic

theSQUIN said...

hahahaha classic keith..nick d from now on you will be known as the biggest and dumbest of all idiots.


p.s. i play quarterback.

maXXX said...

theyre still a little blue over here...