September 19, 2007

Quotes That Are Probably True

"I always remember that whatever I have done in the past, or may do in the future, Duke University is responsible in one way or another."

-Richard Milhous Nixon, 37th President of the United States of America, capital douchebag.

Sudden realization of how awesome this quote is has led me to think about more of history’s memorable moments. While some of these may have never been said, they were definitely thought up.

“Not only did I use the cream, I also injected everything I ate with steroids. Seriously though, look at my balls. ”
- Barry Bonds

“I wonder how many pieces of pie I can fit in my mouth at the same time.”
-William Howard Taft

“I feel very strongly about having Phil join me in providing a good role model for our people”
-Lance Bass

“I wonder how much a nose job costs.”
-The Nov

“So yea, I’m into dudes”
-Spencer Dunn

“Is that guy pointing a gun at me?”
-Martin Luther King Jr. on April 4, 1968

“Sorry I threw up in your mouth.”
-Philip Ponce de Leon

“Finally, a place to dump all my shit.”
- Sir George Carteret, man given the eastern portion of the land between the Hudson and Delaware rivers by the Duke of York.

Thank Anglican God! I can’t believe he took the fuckin’ ODJ.”
-Duke of York

September 11, 2007

In 2008 _____ is....

Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is...

Having been plagued by gayness, division 1 athletics, and constant urges to spend my internet time on instead of here, I have regrettably forgotten about the one place where it all once made sense: Bonsai. The amount of time since I have last posted is comparable to Jemarcus Russel's holdout. The last time I had even glanced at Bonsai was when I saw a collage of Ryan D. (By the way, what the fuck happened to that kid?)

What are some things that have happened to me since then? Well, there's a kid on my team named Tim McVeigh (Above left). That's pretty cool.

Now excuse me if my writing style isn't as clean as Albert Dematteo's varsity football jersey after a Friday night game, but I've been out of the game for a while. Putting myself to the side, I thought it would be appropriate to weigh in on who is doing what, here and now.

Vincent Cutignola is currently a student at WCC, majoring in Environmental Studies. He has recently begun a campus wide recycling awareness program, sporting the popular slogan "It's a waste of paper".

Ryan Diterichs is the "Big Man on Campus" and has FIVE black friends! Admired for his knowledge of alcoholic beverages, Ryan's hit line with the ladies: "I've got like three Zima's in my backpack".

Barbara Pawelec is currently an employee at Cracker Barrel in Vero Beach, FL, and she's rocking double D's.

Paul Cody is still an emo kid.

Block has graduated cum laude from S.H.S and plans on attending the Rhode Island School of Design next fall, where he aspires to become a prolific artist and eventually draw for his favorite T.V show: Sponge Bob Squarepants.

Noah Sandberg is loving life, because no one at school yet knows about his enormous cock.

Dan Boniello has started his own private brothel at Manhattanville College, where he supposedly inspired several concerned student's to create the renowned Bro-Rape video. When asked about this he said "It's a cube, and you can play games on it. What's wrong with that?"

Ethan Kamer has continued to live up to his Superlative of "Most Outgoing". After a successful summer spiritual stint (alliteration, check that out Zeinoun) at his Vermont cow farm, Ethan, now a born-again Shaker, is spreading his beliefs across campus, and holds bi-weekly meetings at his campus chapel.

Mike Novosel is still being made fun of for his huge schnoz, but is much happier because there is finally someone else at his school, and in fact, on his team, who looks more like a caveman than he (Picture above right).

Oh yeah....and I never thought I'd see the day where I wouldn't be able to take a football player seriously when he told me how good the team was. Ivy league football. What a joke

Images You'll Never Forget (Part One)

I couldn't pick a caption; here's what I came up with...

"She loves Wang's wang"
"Apparently at Nova they just call him Penis"
"So does Nick D."
"Me love you long time"
"Someone needs to introduce her to Sandberg"
"What a DiPaolo"
Supersquin34: idk..she looks like margaret cho tho (kid's a look-alike fiend)