August 31, 2007

Plan for the secession of the northeast from the rest of the USA

  • Seceding: New York; Pennsylvania; Massachusetts; Connecticut; Rhode Island, New Hampshire; Vermont; Maine
  • Staten Island becomes part of New Jersey.
  • New Jersey is not allowed to come.
  • Yonkers becomes the new fifth borough.
  • Maine goes to Canada.
  • Rhode Island becomes part of Massachusetts.
  • Long Island becomes a colony. If you are born there, you may not leave.
  • There will be a White Castle in every town.
  • Albany is no longer the capital of New York.
  • The Giants get a new stadium in New York City.
  • The (New Jersey) Jets must remain in Jersey and may not change the name of their current stadium.
  • Random janitors are not allowed to play pickup soccer.


theSQUIN said...

when i read that last one i fuckin died. quality post.

qualitypoop said...

are we seriously taking Connecticut with us? those fuckers are ripe with mediocrity. also, is there a way to take philly, state college, and the Amish but leave the rest of Penn?

Coach NAT said...

i would like to propose a jamification for your proposal to institute a new country.....ideal, if you will. I would be positively plum if vermont were to take in maine like the newly formed lips of an infant to the supple yet pokey nips of my 3rd baby's momma. Then we would have one of my favorite, most deee licious dishes.... Chicken fried cheese lobsters. MMMM MMM MMMMMM!

Be athletes PAYCE!

larry craig said...

im gonna submit this as a bill to congress...right after i have some gay, airport bathroom sex.