June 29, 2007

All I Got Right Now

One of the 18 channels that come in clearly at my grandma's house in the Colombian countryside is BYU television. Fuck you Mormon community. Do you not realize that lame highlights of your butch, softball team (redundant) are never going to motivate Colombians sign up for a religion which nazes booze and stresses the reading of another book?

Avril Lavigne’s “girlfriend” is the worst song ever recorded.

There’s a place in Florida called “Bare Necessities” which is part liquor store and part porn store which turns into a strip club at night. My question: How can a place which claims to have the “bare necessities” not sell fireworks or crystal meth?

The audience on Family Feud is composed purely of Zombies. Have your doubts? Watch it (I don’t recommend this) and wait until they reveal the answers that were missed. At this point you will realize that there’s no way the people in the stands do not eat Evangelical Christian’s brains and waddle slowly with their arms stretched out.

I just saw a kid wearing a shirt that said “Be Your Own Champion.” What the fuck does that even mean? The reason kids are growing up to be sheltered tools is because we allow them to think lame shit like that is gonna fly. In fact, I would not be the least surprised to find out that the entire Birdsall family wears that shirt to family reunions, where they participate in their annual witch/homo/black peep/gypsy hunt. Seriously though, is it possible for someone else to be your own champion? P.S. the Birdsalls get off to drowning minorities.

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