January 19, 2007

Reasons Why Phil Is An Ass

  1. He has OCD.
  2. A 17th century European queen, what with her giant ass thing and powdered wig, could get her shit together faster than he could.
  3. He thinks canceling out in math is better than sex.
  4. One night over this past winter break very minimal amounts of alcohol were consumed yet Phil could not manage to shut the fuck up or at least stop singing off-key for even 5 minutes.
  5. He may not have ‘The General’ but Sal is at least a Colonel.
  6. The face he makes while doing anything.
  7. Look at him.
  8. He thinks cottage cheese is better than sex.
  9. He, without a doubt, has more total handballs in pickup soccer games than every other player on both teams combined (averages 1.8 per game).
  10. If ever there is the slightest discomfort on any of his body parts he will pester everyone incessantly…he’s a little bitch.
  11. He thinks finishing work that’s been hanging over his head for a while is better than sex.
  12. His hamstring, and I quote, “exploded.”
  13. Rice to Riches.
  14. He has the uncanny ability to make anything boring.
  15. He is always pushing up the front of his hair while making a douchey face and looking upwards.
  16. He cannot drive. On a similar note, he refused to go on route 6.
  17. He sucks at existence.
  18. Penisintolittlekids is no longer Myspace's crown jewel.


The Hebrew Hammer said...

20. "I had a heart attack in my knee."

Well, Phil had his demands for more posts met. Too bad for him that the first post was a gigantic bitchslap.

danny noonan said...

at least he doesn't eat it, peat it, crap it, and eat it like myself

oh by the way smilo, you gotsta update bonsai to the new version of blogger and everybody else should update their accounts too

tony veg said...

way to take control, danny noonan

Anonymous said...

i love phil and his butt plug

Anonymous said...

it would be really funny if Phil's dad wrote down the web address, came back, and saw this.

It'sBonkaz said...

stop the hate

Anonymous said...

juan has both male and female genitalia. and both are of infantile size

Anonymous said...

by infantile size do u mean that his dick is the size of a baby's arm? cause i think that would be worse, to have a huge dick and a vagina. not that i would know about having vaginas...

Anonymous said...

no you are confused. no arms were mentioned. the genitalia is compared to that of an infant's. it might be better to have a huge dick and vagina. self masturbation/penetration is vastly easier.

qualitypoop said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
qualitypoop said...

i'd like to state that i do not have a vagina but do in fact have a large penis. id also like to say, for no reason at all, small gym.