June 15, 2006

"I Really Don't Have a Speech..."

As many of you may already know, I am salutatorian for the Class of 2006 at Somers High School. One of the great responsibilities of this position, aside from being kratschmer's bitch, is to speak at the opening of graduation. With time running out, it's looking more and more like I'm gonna pull a Choi... which actually would be amazing, but I'm not doin it. With that said, I encourage all of you to post suggestions for my speech. Make them as ridiculous as you want or as realistic as you want. It can be an idea, a quote, or a ridiculous stunt. Anything that really says something about our class. I can promise that most of the suggestions will not be used, but some may, and, if not, they may at least give me ideas. And, if I get enough ridiculous shit, I will write an unedited version of my speech to be posted on Bonsai. Gimme somethin' fresh.

7 comments:

theSQUIN said...

call block up to the podium and have him do the harlem shake... it will get the job done.

Sri Sri Rum n' Curry said...

all the writers of bonsai will write your speech, as long as you agree not to read it until right before you give it.

the Odoyle family said...

Knibb High Footbal Rules! Peace Kid! then drop the mic

Pap Smear said...

you've gotta mention 8th grade in it somewhere. i dont know other than that. when all else fails, make fun of people.

It'sBonkaz said...

Start making an intelligent and thoughtful speach, using intelligent and thoughtful words...Then someone will yell out "Fire!". This is your cue to stop talking and look fiercely at the audience. Slam your fists on the podium yeling "FIRE BAD!!!", rip off an article of clothing. Then knock down the podium and run full steam through the aisles away from the ceremony. You could then return later as if nothing had happened to graduate.

The Hebrew Hammer said...

If you looked behind the stage during Kratchmer's speech, you could see Phil's speech raping hers up the ass.

Christina Kratchmer said...

Sorry if my speech sucked. I honestly thought you guys would be interested in how I eat my sandwiches, I mean, who isn't interested in that. Oh well, at least I got a standing ovation.....WAIT! And btw Phil, you can rape me in my butt (literally) any time, then maybe I can write my next speech about that. My number is 867-5309.