April 4, 2006

Put the "pring" in Spring

Class of 2006, in case you haven’t realized by now, we are in the last quarter of our High School career. Institutions of higher learning are sending out their decisions and our grade is proving to be one of the greatest of all time. Somers will be represented all over the country from Stanford (Kratchmyer)…. to prison (Frank the Narc). School is slacking off at a ridiculous rate, so basically most seniors would have AIDS if senioritis was the flu (You know you are beyond senioritis when you spend more time and stress working on a Bonsai article than you do on an English essay). However the best part of fourth quarter is not seeing people you hate get rejected from their number one college, rather it is the inception of the best season of the year, Spring. Spring, or as they say in Britain, "spring", is the most important season of the year as it includes many religious holidays such as Easter, Passover, Ethan Kamer Day, and 4/20. The following passages are just daily observations that signify the start of this wonderful season.

You know it’s the start of spring……

…when baseball season begins. Baseball is strictly a spring sport. By the time summer comes around and the games actually mean something, everyone is tired of it (except Noah, who is probably the only person in the school who can name last year’s participants in the World Series). There is almost nothing better than kicking back and watching a Yankees game on a cool and relaxing night. Unlike Mets fans, Yankees fans have no worries because a playoff berth is as automatic as Mike J starting a sentence with cheoo. Unfortunately, the game of baseball is really a Game of Shadows. Everything from arthritis cream to condoms are loaded with steroids that taint the image and integrity of the game (Barry Bonds, cough cough). In case you were wondering, yes you will test positive for steroids after reading this article.
…when you walk outside and the first thing you do is bask in the smell of freshly cut grass. For some reason grass odors only smell good at this time of year. No one admits to it, but if grass were a cologne or deodorant flavor they would wear it every day.
…when the climate is perfect. Spring has the best weather. An average spring day consists of a high temperature of 75 degrees accompanied by a cool breeze (the cool breeze being either the eighth grader named Breezey or the breeze created by T-Fresh as she walks by you in the hall).
…when you see more skirts in school than jeans. I speak on behalf of all guys, it should be mandatory for girls to wear skirts starting the first day of spring. Spring is a field day for perverts. It is sad and pathetic at how good some people (no names) are at seeing what they want to see. But to defend all males, the females ask for this kind of treatment (look at Little Girl). They know exactly what they’re doin’, every spring of our adult life they sit there oil, lotion, oil……..
…when baseball players have the farmers tan.
…when Mr. Miller stops wearing suspenders
…when Bonsai Potato regains its former glory.

There you have it. Spring is in the air and there is no where to hide. Hate or Love it, the underdog's on top and its gonna shine homie until my heart stop go head' envy me spring is the seasons MVP and it aint goin nowhere so you can get to know it.

Fellas, Questions? Comments? Concerns?


ethan k said...


theSQUIN said...

nothing like refrences to little girl, coach wootten, breezy so easy and T-fresh all in one bonsai post...good work

Fina Fina Bunt Bunt said...

little girl.