April 5, 2006

Now That Would Be Awesome

As stated before, we have entered the fourth quarter, our final quarter, here at the great Somers High School. Our grade has produced some of the most perve characters that have ever gone through this school. Legends have been born, achievements have been made, retards have been mocked, and although this is all good and fun, I for one, am not impressed. The following are some things I would like to see go down before our high school careers come to a close.

Noah Sandberg

His penis is legendary, and I want to see it. I am sick and tired of all the lunch time trade talk, Noah's penis for Dana's, Victoria's, and Jillian's boobs plus a bagel with extra cream cheese. NO NO NO...For my sake, for your own sake, just take it out. What is there to be ashamed of? Don't think its going to live up to the hype? Hey, worse comes to worse and it isn't as big as promised, but I 100% guarantee you it will still be bigger than Mike J's, so you have no need to worry. What else could go wrong though, seriously? If your father took the time to talk about this with another kid's father in EIGHTH GRADE, it must be a big deal, pun intended. What are you going to surprise us and just take it out and hit someone in the face with it? Imagine that...Third period free, and for once noah's penis isn't the subject of conversation. Dana is still trying to promote her "Snuggle-X" productions company, when all of a sudden you hear a "zip" noise. It goes silent. Everyone looks around and the only thing that you can hear is the sound of Troll's beard growing longer. No one knows what is was, so back to business as usual. Shortly after that a stench fills the air...It smells of bagels. People start to cough and gag the smell is so strong. The room gets hotter, so hot that the females start removing their shirts...But that's all part of the plan. A small rumbling begins and everyone turns to Noah. His seat begins to shake as his pants rip in half and a gigantic boner is exposed, so big even little girl couldn't fit it in her mouth. It swings into the air as people latch onto it attempting to hold it down. Imagine that...Too bad it could never happen...Just take it out already man.

Also, on the subject of Noah, can you please do the following as you say you will everyday...

.....Crack Peter Kolaj. No one likes him, so just do it, we have your back.
.....Get trashed. Really trashed, we will all be there with you just in case something happens.
.....Make a Jewish joke to Ullman's face. You said you would, so do it.

Stunts

Because it is the fourth quarter it is time for senior pranks. As freshmen we experienced some great pranks in our school, and since then we have seen nothing but feeble attempts at pranks. I don't care who or what you do it to, just do it. We do graduate in two months, so who gives a fuck. What is there to be worried about? Linda and her goons suspending you from school? T hreats of your college of choice being called and informed what you did? Lies...Fabrications...Bullshit. Don't worry about it, do the most perve, creative, disgusting, insulting things you can think of, and hell, write about them on here once you're done doing them. I, for one, have a few ideas in my head and I plan on acting them out so long as my partners don't back out.

Retards


Mentally challenged...Special...RETARDS. I don't care what you call them or who deems this offensive, that is what they are, deal with it. I want to see two retards, possibly four in a tag team effort, fight each other. Horrible you call me? Twisted? Sick? FUCK YOU...I know entertainment when I see it, and this would be entertaining. People in the lunchroom who turn their heads when the rest of us are watching Block dance, relax will you? He doesn't know we are making fun of him, he thinks we are enjoying it which is making him smile and be happy, so let it go and join in. "You guys are horrible," yeah well fuck you we are 17 and 18 year old boys what do you expect. Anyway, I want to see some of these tards throw down. They have tempers and yell often at each other or their teachers, so why don't they ever hit each other? Some of them are assholes anyway, thinking they can do whatever they want and get away with it. Honestly now, sure they have a difficult time controlling themselves, but if they, and their teachers and parents, want them to be treated as equals they need to learn how to behave like humans. I'm sorry I don't like them going around and sneezing on people, or wiping their spit on someone else's shirt, or just in general walking around and being a dick. If you want to be a dick, do it to Block, and please...Just crack him so I can see one of you get pounded by another.

Little Girl

I'd like to see how many guys she can hookup with in one night and not feel down about herself. Yes she accomplished 3, possibly more last year, but lets get real...True skanks take 3 cocks at once three, four, even five times a day. You need to step your game up, and you need to not only suck dick, but starting getting banged out. Come on Little Girl, we know you want to, don't be so shy.

Parties

More of them, lots more of them. What a shitty winter after a rather decent fall season of parties. Max's house...Westfest, to name a few, were some pretty good, fun parties. I had a great time in the fall...This winter on the other hand, not so much. Cold weather, short days, the Knight...Just a few reasons why this winter sucked. I want more more more parties in the spring. It's nice out, it's warm at night, we don't need a house to party at now, we just need someone's backyard. Hill Hutch, for example, has thrown a few good outdoor parties where I bet almost everyone had a great time. Not only do I want to see more parties, but I think we need more parties. This is the last time our grade will ever be together as one. Two more months and I wont see 95% of the suckers we go to school with. We need to enjoy this time to all hang out together, and more importantly, some of the hotties in our grade need to come to their senses and start making out with me, and what better place to do it than a party? You'll probably be drunk, which is a great excuse to make out with me because then you can tell all your friends who will most likely rip on you that you were drunk and didn't know what you were doing, even though we will be hanging out that night and doing the same thing we did the night before, except this time you will be sober and you will realize that I am way cooler than any of your friends. More importantly, I want to enjoy the last few months (about 4) with my good friends because we will all go our separate ways once college starts. Sure we are going to talk and hang out and visit each other at our respective schools, but things won't be the same, you and I both know that.

Bonsai Potato

I want to see this website get into trouble with the school. I want them to read something offensive, preferably this article, and launch a formal investigation. I then want to walk into our principal's office and listen to her berate me and call me an animal for some of the hurtful things I have written. Then I want to tell her that I really don't care who I have offended and that the internet is a place of free speech, similar to our school, and that if she doesn't like the website she or other students and parents (The gay Birdsall family) that they don't have to come here to read about it.

Viva La Bonsai.

4 comments:

The Token Female said...

laughing very hard. bravo, rob, bravo

fabfingerbanger said...

rob a, that was ill, and i applaud you. i give it four fingers up.

ethan k said...

well said, homie

ethan k said...

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTLE GIRL