May 26, 2005

A Dissertation on My Teachers

I'd hafta say, this year's line up of teachers is probably the best i will ever encounter in grade school, with one notable exception (hint: she can't move her neck). We have the biggest collection of characters as teachers that we could hope for, and we should all be thankful for this. However, the question remains: do you want you teacher to be a huge character (Alberga), or just the man (Greene)? What follows is a run down of who I've got.

Mr. John Bernecker: Born and raised somewhere in rural Pennsylavia. Due to this, is the most likeley of all my teachers to have participated in an act of beastiality. Impeccable style, every day, whether it be the top-button-unbuttoned collared shirt, or the vintage, raggedy Astro Fest t-shirt. Facial hair appears, then says goodbye for a couple months. Has one serious beer belly. Once asked me, Arpon, Max, and Novosel if we had "clambaked the car" before school.

Mrs. Mary Couzis: Grade A Alcoholic. Dishes out all the dirt on perverted teachers (you guys know what I'm talkin' bout). Loses some points due to sudden mood swings, but earns major points for wasting a majority of the year in telling us ridiculous, half-true stories. My fav? When she and her girlfriends broke into her parents' Peppermint Schnopps in 4th grade.

Mr. John Malone: This man knows the meaning of life. Apparently he used to coach football and had major anger issues; now, he just talks about crazy deep shit and watches PBS religiously. Laughs kind of like elmer fudd.

Mr. Michael Greene: Simply put, the man. Think about what this guy does. Honestly. Goes and talks to kids about american history (which he probably thoroughly enjoys). Manages to be a huge wiseass, especially when talking to Chairman Alberga. He then goes to his house (in the Bronx?? Manhattan? probably harlem), where he kicks back and watches his hi-def television. His wife keeps on poppin out those kids, but it doesnt seem to be putting much stress on him.

MULLEN: Possibly a god. A star athlete in his former life, but reincarnated as the Buddha of gym teachers. Rub his belly and receive ten days of good luck. He clearly loves what he does, cause, after all, what the hell does he do? Gets paid to play sports all day with high schoolers. hes your classic jolly fat man.

Mrs. Denise White: Arpon's previous post should give a good idea of what's so great about this woman. shes a math MACHINE!! Far nicer than you may think. If you have her, you ought to be kissing that ghetto booty, cause she is working hard to give us the best grades possible. her skill with numbers assists her in doctoring averages to give you the optimal grade. Ever really notice that hair? check it out sometime.

4 comments:

Pap Smear said...

greene fucking rocks

Sri Sri Rum n' Curry said...

bern fucks dogs!!

It'sBonkaz said...

I never got no doctorin' of averages from mrs. robotnik, aka denise white. WHAT THE 'F'!

Anonymous said...

I had Mrs White years ago for Math and let me tell, this lady knows her stuff.