May 19, 2005

Chris Dentato: Teacher, Friend...Hustler?

Chris Dentato...There are just so many things that could be said about this Shakespeare wannabe. His beard that doesnt grow, his weird looking face, the large doses of scarcasm spilled into everyday classwork. We have all had at least one moment where you just absolutely love this guy. Whether he's tearin on Kent Suzuki, or kicking your ass in chess he always...........ahhhhh yeeessss CHHEEEESSS. Plain and simple, in the words of casidy Chris Dentato says to himself "I'm a hustler, I'm, I'm a hustler" He will kick your ass in chess and not feel the least bit bad, but the only way he will win is if he (erhem) cheats. Thats right he cheats, and I am not the only one to experience his cheating ways. Below are a few tales that bring out the true personality that is CHRIS DENTATO.


"The Seed"
It was a chilly winter day, myself and Austin Cardona had stayed after for extra help with the hustler himself. We were little freshman, and I must say I was quite intimidated. As we sat down, he entered his infamous back room, and shorty retured with a small wooden box. Inside this box were chess pieces. He set them up, and approched us. I started to become nervous, and not nervous like "I hope I pass this test" nervous, nervous like the kids Michael Jackson raped nervous. You know, just being in that bed knowing "something is going to enter and exit my asshole numerous times this night, and theres not a DAMN thing I can do about it" Anyway, he asked mysef and Austin "do you play?" We both responded yes, although I had not played in years. So insted of extra help, we go to play chess with Dentato, fuck yeah. As he sat, his legs bumped the chair, moving some of the pieces. Little did I know this was foreshadowing the event to occur in the next half an hour. Austin made the first move, and that shit was goin DOWN. The match is dead even and Dentato is sweating like one of thoese little kids in the middle of his anal penatration. He has to be thinking "how can a fucking 9th grader be keepin dead even with me?"
And then it happened. Dentato went to make a move and knocked over a few pieces on..."accident?" It looked accidental, but one could not tell for sure. He picked up the three pieces he knocked over, and set them back up...in the wrong spot, except for one. The other peice was taken off the board compleatly, and it was Austin's queen. He has been shisted, and we both knew it looking at each other in confusion. We couldn't say anything, he was our english teacher and he was a hard grader as is, so we just let it go, withotu saying anything. Austin was finished off in four moves and that concluded round one of "Dentato vs. Cardona"

"Thats bullshit!"

Dentato had continued his cheating ways throughout all of 9th grade...now Sean Nickerson and myself had experienced his hustler ways as well, and to be honest we were sick of it. Freshman year finished up, and in 10th grade we didnt talk to the guy, not once. Sean and Austin played a few games against him, and he still cheated. The only time i played him was in chess club one day, with Austin, Sean, and SID SONI watching. Did this crowd phase Denato? Fuck no it didnt, it made his balls bigger and he wanted to show he could cheat in front of all these people. He went for the "kings check" on me, which myself, Austin, and Sean had never heard of, but he always used it against us. When he made the move and said "kings check." We heard a voice, a voice that was very similar to God's, which made Dentato's beard-stricken face turn red...this voice belonged to Sid Soni and it said "What are you doing?" Dentato responded "Its kings check." Soni, a chess god who actully won the NYS state championship chess tounrey, along with the ballet gold metal in the NYS Goodwill games, responded "That's not a move, thats illegal. The winner is the person who takes the king first, that's not a real move go back and play a fair game." I looked at Austin trying not to laugh, and then Sean, out of nowhere, says "THATS BULLSHIT! YOU BEAT ME LIKE 6 TIMES USING THAT MOVE!" Detato was furious and said he had lost his concentration. He then got up and left the room, never to return to chess club again, at least not while I was there.

"Present times"
Now that Dentato can be beat and beat easily he makes up bullshit excuses when he looses. The following are a few examples of what he says...

1. "I was distracted, you know, because these kids keep asking me questions." (This only used at extra help)
2. "When that bell rang I lost my concentration"
3. "Its so noisey in here (the cafeteria usually) I can't concentrate."
4. (After knocking a piece over) "Where was this? Here?...No wait, over here, you know what, I'll just capture it. "
5. "Shhhh!! We're playing chess here. Please be quiet."

These excuses may sound lame, but it's that type of thing where you have to be there for it to be funny. Anyway, he hustled us damn good for a year and a half, and I tip my hat to that. But we've got you know, Dentato, and you'll never win a fucking chess game again.

Questions? Comments? E-mail me at Slipknot215666@aol.com

1 comment:

Sri Sri Rum n' Curry said...

has anyone ever been inside "The Closet"?